Thursday, October 08, 2009

How men and women think

Today afternoon I received this mail from a friend asking me about my opinion about what a gift to her friend's fiance could be. The question and answers got to an interesting level and I decided to post this exchange here after seeking permission from her. This is how the conversation proceeded.

My friend:
"One of my friends is going to meet her fiance. He is of your age. She needs ideas of what to gift him. He is sober and likes traditional things like you. As far as what she has told me, his nature matches with yours. So tell me your ideas of any gift you would like to receive. :D

It's very urgent. So please tell me by tonight as per Indian time.


What's his nationality? Since you are sitting at across seven seas, I get this doubt! :D
Anyway, for sake of a quick answer I assume your friend is in India and her fiance is Indian. :-)
  • Let her not buy an expensive gift.
  • It can be something which he can keep with him or on the work table. e.g. pen, pen-set, pen stand, a photo frame (without photo or with a photo of his parents/family). Frame without photo will give him a subtle hint. He will invariably put her photo there. :D
  • A greeting - handmade - does wonders.
  • I also think of a ready made greeting with a personal message. Without a personal message, it may become mere a formality. Bigger the message more the positive impact!
Let me not confuse you with too many options. So I conclude. Wish your friend all the best on my behalf.

Warm regards"

My friend:
"wowwwwwwwwwwwwww :D

Sure. Thanks a lot.
By the way, just curious... why not an expensive gift? I told her get an expensive leather wallet for him. :D"

"Buying an expensive gift might give the guy impression that the girl is trying to show off her wealth, especially when the girl's family is better off financially than the guy's family. It will be a big turn off. I mean at least for me if I am pushed in such situation. Any way, the intentions, innocent or otherwise, become very clear by seeing how the girl presents the gift. :-) If the guy is convinced that there is no hidden purpose behind the expensive gift, he will accept it gleefully; he'll accept rather anything that comes for free. But I guess it is very subjective. :-)

Wallet itself is not a very expensive thing. Then wallet is not a gift I am very much fond of. Though I gladly received it when my sister gifted one to me.:D See, guys can be like that too!

Before that she had found my wallet in a weathered condition and had not sifted through it, thankfully so.

PS: This is becoming an interesting piece of article. Can I post it on my blog?"

My friend:
"Yes, yes! Sure!! :D Actually I have some more doubts since this very much reveals how men and women think.

For our subject, the guy lives in Delhi but is damn rich. My friend is from middle class. She says that she doesn't want to impress him an all, but gift him something which he will cherish for a long time. He also has told her, it seems, that he likes old things, like antique stuff. She is also thinking of a hand watch pretty much like the one Gandhiji used to have. But I influenced her with my wallet ideas. She is also thinking of the photo frame now. :D Her Mom suggests a shirt. :D Poor girl! But yes, you can write a blog post about this.

It's interesting to know how men and women think and also to know how men from different age group think. I guess you are from the next generation to me and my generation guys have different tastes as much as I see."

"Correction: I belong to a previous generation than that of yours. :D

Given the relatively humbler economical background of the girl, I believe she should not at all buy anything that is expensive for him. For once, the idea of an expensive gift for a rich is too much to afford for a middle class girl. Something like Rs 5999 for an Italian leather wallet! Middle class person will think of it as an obscene price. But given the situation of the girl, she will not find it that high and will try to stretch her finances and will end up in buying. Will that impress the guy? I am not sure. I believe a gift with a very personal touch, a gift which the girl has actually spent time with will be most valuable to the guy. The guy will remember it and preserve it for its shear simplicity.

Shirt is a common gift. There is a purpose behind gifting cloths to the would-be son-in-law which is to offer something that is utterly essential and also is very intimate. Cloths fulfill the purpose by fitting close to the body and also covering them. A kind of abstract idea. It is a very good one but is a common one. Well off guys have a lot of shirts, Ts, jeans at their disposal and they don't care for more unlike girls, who will be swept off their feet if they are presented with a sari or a beautiful dress. I don't want to label any of such inclinations good or bad, but this difference exists for sure. The shirt with other dress material can always be presented to the guy after the marriage."

My friend:
"Agreed. :D Perfect! :)"

I must thank my friend for allowing me to post this conversation here, which I have done before posting this and also am doing it here. Thank you! :-)

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